[

Mon coeur est:

|

sad

]

I need to speak to Kat without being seen, and I’m not sure how to pull it off, because we are going to be watched. We have to be watched, because Jennie has already said that she will be doing her best to try and flout the rules, because she’s an idiot. This is frustrating, because my reasons are different from Jennie’s. Jennie thinks the whole thing is stupid and wants to encourage Kat to be stupid about it and get into trouble. I want Kat to understand why we have to behave, and that it doesn’t mean I don’t like her, it means I want people to know we are honourable.

I don’t want to make Silvia feel that she is the only one suffering, or that she and Jennie are the only ones, although nothing I’ve heard about Doris Crockford has been the least bit flattering, but even more importantly, if Kat is seen with me, people will think I’m planning to do exactly what Pappa said. Why did he have to say that? But I don’t plan to do that, and I also don’t plan to flout the restrictions like Silvia would if she thought she could get away with it (and with Jennie encouraging it).

I just want Kat to know why I’m obeying these rules, and why I think she should, too. I want Kat to be as smart as I know she can, so that people will know she is not like her father and brother, and also not disloyal by nature.

I really don’t want to leave home. Mamma was gone for so long and for so long I thought she was dead. Pappa is showing every sign of going wrong again, and I’m still not sure I trust Nico after he spent the whole summer drunk in the stews, and he’d best not think I don’t know that.

I’d miss Isabella and Tom and Alastor, and I’m looking forward to seeing Nerissa and Lew every day. But I want to be sure that Mamma’s all right. I wish Vonnie would move back home. Maybe when Alessio comes back from the war they’ll get back together.

[

Mon coeur est:

|

enraged

]

I had it in mind to write about the Vieiras’ ball, and all of the fun that Tom and I have had since he came, and about how silly Tom and Mercutio have been being, and how much I do not want to leave in the morning.

But then the Tatler came out. We didn’t see it this morning, because we don’t read that kind of thing, but Sra Vincenti takes it because the Crockfords print it, and they are were her friends after all. I met Hubert Crockford last night at the Vieiras’ ball. He is supposed to be one of Alastor’s friends, and Hadrian Kyteler’s friend as well, and he danced with Demetria. He seemed like a human being, but so do the Germans if you meet them one at a time, I am told.

Well, Sra Vincenti can barely read at all, so she didn’t know what it said. She knew that the Dux Bellorum and his mistress were her friends, and also (she thought) the Crockfords’ friends, so she was sure that Mamma would want to see the article when it came out. So the first thing she did, once she got her post, was run up to Mamma and show her, because she was so excited.

Mamma burned it, but I saw enough, and now I’m so angry that I think I could kill Marcus Pendry and the Crockfords and Damien Lockhart just by looking at them—it’s called malocchio, and usually only old ladies can do it, but that’s because most other people don’t have enough rage stored up, and I do, right now. How dare they say those things about Mamma? They didn’t see what she looked like when she fell from the sky.

If Pappa doesn’t kill Marcus Pendry, I will.

Except…Kat. Kat who writes me funny letters and…

We were just starting out to be friends, and now someone from my family is going to have to go and kill her father. This is so not fair.

[

Mon coeur est:

|

curious

]

Maman had tea with Mrs Mablin again today, and Jennie came over. I took her to see the kelpie and we played with Caradow, but I miss Alastor. Jennie doesn’t understand a lot of things, and I don’t just mean Machiavelli. I know that Dylan is more fun for Alastor than me, but I wish he’d come home. He could bring Dylan—I wouldn’t mind, as long as they both stayed out of my bed!

I have had a hard time sleeping since I spoke to Isabella. I miss her so much. I almost forgot about her, but now that I’ve met her again, it’s as though we were just separated yesterday, and I can’t shake the feeling that she is in terrible danger. I’m not five any more, so I don’t run around through the house looking under chairs and beds and in cupboards I’m not allowed to play in (there are fewer of those than there were before), but I want to! When I open my window and take a deep breath, I feel that there are terribly interesting things going on in the world that I am not part of, and the air seems to crackle a little. The bats are out; it’s very dark. Perhaps I will get my broom out and fly with them. Maybe I’ll go and see Mamma asleep in the briars. Surely she won’t sleep forever. I am going to write to Nico if she doesn’t wake in before the moon is full.

I can hear the dire wolves singing in the Bois, and Caradow tries to sing back to them, but he’s too little to howl. It’s very cute, but I’m afraid that I’ll embarrass him if I say so.

The air feels just like it did when Mamma used to go hunting at night with the Host. I wonder if I’m old enough to go now. I feel like I am.

Surely it will not be too long. When Caradow’s big enough to run with the pack, I think I shall be old enough to lead it.

[

Mon coeur est:

|

annoyed

]

I really should have just shut the door after I took Alastor’s trousers, and hung them up on the gargoyle without telling Alastor. That’s what I’d have done if Jennie and Theo hadn’t been there—but I suppose that if Jennie and Theo weren’t there, it wouldn’t have happened. But Alastor and Dylan wouldn’t have noticed the trousers were missing until they were finished gamahuching each other (I wonder if I conjugated that right), and we could have pretended we didn’t know what happened to the trousers. Except that Theo could have pulled that off, and I’m not sure that Jennie would have managed it. But that would have been much funnier, and we would have got into less trouble.

I wish Maman would not try to seduce Alastor’s mother. There are lots of people she can make love to, without trying to break up Alastor’s parents, and I have no idea why she is doing that. I understand his father is a difficult man, but does she think that’s going to help? I feel a bit ridiculous about snitching to my Uncle Julian, but if I never spend another morning like this one, I will be very happy indeed. Maman can conduct her love affairs as she pleases, but if she wants someone to cover things up for her, she should ask someone else, and I should not have to entertain her lover’s children!

There’s no reason for her to take my broom and lock it up. We didn’t break anything or hurt anyone. We made a mess in the foyer that the servants cleaned up in less than a quarter of an hour; we got dirty; and Dylan had a fit of coughing from laughing too much! All we did was interrupt their tryst, and yet this merits her locking me up without my broom? Caradow is curled up on my feet. At least she didn’t try to take him away.

[

Mon coeur est:

|

determined

]

I’m starting to understand what I’ve heard about the way people in Avalon and Pelby think differently. I’m also starting to understand why nobody was surprised that I went into Avalon, legacy or not. Pelbians lack subtlety. Though Dylan has more than Alastor does.

Dylan is very pretty, but he’d be prettier if he could dress himself! I like him, he’s very intelligent, and he knows a lot about my Bellissima. I wish I could tell him more. I wish we both knew more. I don’t know exactly what the Garcías did to Pappa or Bellissima or Cousin St John, but they are not taking anything else away from me. EVER AGAIN.

I hope that Dylan and Alastor don’t get caught; his father is rather dense, from all accounts, but they are also very obvious.

[

Mon coeur est:

|

bewildered

]

I have just had a very strange conversation with Uncle Julian and Cousin St John. They made a lot of uncomfortable noises and kept glancing at one another and it started out as a talk about school, and the older boys (and the usual stuff about Septimus Starn, who likes me to call him uncle, although usually I don’t) and how it’s all right to be familiar with family, but I need to be more careful than that when I start to make friends at school. Then they started asking me a lot of strange questions about Alastor. I was very confused until I realised what they were getting at and then I couldn’t help laughing, which made Julian make a face, but then I told them Alastor is in love with another boy, and that I’m not his particular friend, and yes I go swimming with him but I also swim with the kelpie!

They thought I was Alastor’s particular friend. I really don’t understand how I am supposed to manage not to laugh at that. I did promise them I wouldn’t let anyone touch me if I didn’t want them to do it, and that even if I thought I did, I’d think about it first.

Even if it’s a prefect. Or a professor. Like always.